Michelle to Self

I'll get back to my usual goal-driven self in a day or two. I just came from student symphony rehearsal where I had my usual grand time. I haven't been practicing this material as I've been consumed with symphony rehearsals, but I like it! And I feel good about working on it enough to play it well. The Beethoven bassoon part is lovely, fun, and has way more notes than the trombone usually gets. The commissioned piece is also a treat to play, and working with Rick on the rhythms in it last week in my sight singing lesson paid off tonight.

I walked over and walked back, to the high school ... it's about 20 or so minutes each way, so rehearsal times are always a great exercise program for me. It's dark, it's snowing. About this time of year I feel like I have always and will always walk around in the dark, in the snow. But my little intellect whispers, "5 minutes a day! We're gaining 5 minutes a day!" In another life I wore shorts and shirt sleeves.

I can't remember if I've already written this here or if it was something I told Carey, but another fundamental shift in my playing that has occurred is that I am just not getting bothered by not being able to play something, in rehearsals, with people I don't know; it's just not the way it was. I used to cry in frustration - literally - at not being able to play something. Now, I'm just breezing on through and I am just not getting frustrated. And I am having so much fun.

It's the way it is supposed to be, no? I'm attributing this new attitude to:

1. I'm playing better so if I mess up notes or can't get a run, I have confidence that it is there and I understand what I missed better,
2. I've demonstrated to myself that if I work on something hard very methodically, I can master it,
3. I am getting better at sight reading, and I can find my place almost all of the time now - I used to spend a lot of time completely lost, completely lost.
4. I have been meditating for half an hour a day. That just makes everything in my life easier.
5. I still think that I have gained some change in my ability to hear myself. It just trips me out that my ear can get better, but it is. I continue to be amazed at how a person learns music, learns about music.