for not measuring time ...

Wow, I practiced another 46 minutes tonight, for a total of 1 hour and 20 minutes today.

I do like goals.

Tonight though, I really, really needed to feel relaxed. The midterm last weekend, working up to the concert, tying up various symphony business related to the auction, not to mention work, which is very demanding right now - I've had so little time to relax. So tonight, to start my practice I played around with scales, just played around, for my warmup. Then I worked on my B natural and my D, then I played pretty music for a bit - from my little solo book, Liebestraum and Bist du by Meir. It was beautiful and I liked really working just at making beautiful sounds come out of my horn.

Often practicing for this concert or that, I am so focused on the technical aspects, driven to get this rhythm right, to hit that note right, that I don't focus enough on just what a good sound is, so it was nice to play easy music for a while just listening for it to sound good.

By the time I got to "working" on symphony music, I was in the right state of mind. Played my little bitty Mahler bit, then I worked quite a lot on Bald Mountain. I backwards practiced this as it was the second page that gave me trouble last night. Worked very hard on some rhythms there. Syncopation is just hard for me off the page, though when I can hear it with others I can fall into it. But it is so hard for me to just read it and play it off the page. My brain can't quite get the signals right, it feels like.

I have to say, though, that as an adult learner of an instrument like this, the analytical side of me is utterly fascinated by this challenge. I think there are some things that I can't learn, that I just won't be able to get - and isn't that a tough one to face for an adult that is accustomed to just trying harder and you'll eventually succeed. But then with aspects of playing that seem impassable, I will work at it from this angle, that angle, try, try, try, then have a breakthrough of sorts and be able to do it - just a little bit, but a little able. Always giving me that tease that there's more out there for the seeking and trying.

So, my lunch practice was the workout and my evening practice was the deep breath. I needed it.